The tour had been a long time in the planning and thanks to Nicola, Nicola and Mark went off without any problems, although the weather did its best to dampen things.
We were due to meet at 7.30 am in the club car park, for a prompt 8.00 start. I was late (7.40) but relieved to find that Rod had not yet arrived. Strangely he was never prosecuted in Kangaroo Court for this.
Bill the coach driver started as he meant to go on with a stern lecture on safety. He pointed out that if the coach crashed the police would probably ask survivors whether the driver had pointed out the emergency exits. If they said No, Bill could lose his licence.
The trip down the A12, round the M25 and on the M4 went quickly and noisily. We stopped at Newbury services where Charles bought copies of FHM and Nuts. This increased his circle of friends and reduced the noise level for the next leg to Cardiff. It had been raining since we set off, but as we approached the Severn Bridge the sun came out, as predicted by Rod. The coach just got hotter and hotter – not sure whether this was inadequate air conditioning or the effect of FHM and Nuts – and at 1.00 we piled off what was now a superheated coach sauna and into the car park of Cardiff Old Boys club. Before the gasping boys were allowed to stagger off Rod handed out the red devil horns that had to be worn at all times unless swimming or playing rugby. Rod’s own horns were pink.
Cardiff OB arrived shortly afterwards and kick off was at 2.30. The ref was apparently sponsored by Asda. Cardiff OB proved too strong, winning 38-14, but the scoreline slightly flattered them and it was pleasing to note that the lads understood the real priorities – we could hear them singing in the shower as we walked into the bar.
Highlights of the game included Jack Martin’s try after a tap penalty to Steven, Charles’s break from the restart which was only stopped by a fine tap tackle, and Steven’s bullocking run and try from 15 yards. Sam Edwards kicked both conversions with aplomb. Old Boys’ final points came from a move that started in their own half on the left and finished with a try on the right after the ball seemed to have passed through the hands of all of them.
Old Boys showed that they too had the right spirit and the hospitality and friendly welcome were brilliant. There was food for everyone (curry, rice and chips!) and an excellent bar. The parents and boys made us all feel very welcome. Will made a speech thanking our hosts, standing on a chair.
After the game, the rain returned and we drove west to Llanelli and beyond. The roads got smaller and smaller, through the small village of Kidwelly (home of the late and lamented Ray Gravell) and down to a single track road by the side of the estuary where the caravan park was. We got there at 7pm to find that Wymondham and a team from Staffordshire were also staying. This meant that the whole “entertainment complex” (bar) was full of young rugby players and old gits supposedly adult ex-players and parents, which was nice.
In the evening we tried out the bar, where there was a bucking bronco rugby ball (this was Wales remember). Several people had a go – Shirley was later successfully prosecuted, and Bernie had a near escape from the same fate: his excuse for falling off was that the rope was too short for his hands, which are presumably better suited to gripping bigger things.
Jackie, Linda and Mario all arrived by car at about 10.00 and after unpacking joined the relaxation. They said they were in arrears on the drinks, but pretty soon you couldn’t tell.
Saturday 29 March
Breakfast was at 9.00. It was a violently wet and windy day and the boys were stuck with the entertainment centre and the pool, though the heating there wasn’t working. Nobody complained though. A group of adults decided it was a good day to have a walk along the beach, while others sensibly slept in the caravans. Charles earned himself a Guilty in Court for forgetting not only where his caravan was but also what the number of it was.
Kangaroo Court was held in the evening before dinner but after early drinks. The Hanging Judge (Jackie) was joined by a Hand-Wringing Liberal (me) but everyone was Guilty, perhaps because the Defending Counsel (Bernie) agreed with the Prosecutor (Rod) that all the crimes were Heinous, perhaps because the Hand Wringer was sober as a judge. Dale was first up, accused of head butting an opponent’s elbow in the Old Boys match. Ed had jumped in a puddle, Charles had as reported above got lost and Euan had spilled his breakfast. Perhaps the most Heinous crime was that of Jack Martin who had lost his horns and then lied about it.
It was still wild and Welsh wet weather when we set off for Stradey Park to watch the game between Llanelli Scarlets and Leinster. Leinster are top of the Magners League and Scarlets second, so the home side were hoping to win and close the gap. However they were undone by their own Welsh weather and the Irish won rather easily (24-10) by sticking the ball up their jumpers. It was not a game one would have watched for long on TV, but this reporter anyway was thrilled by the atmosphere and the tremendous support. At half time, taking a small Guinness in the rain, I was excited to see Ciaran Fitzgerald being interviewed on TV. The best of many spiky comments from the crowd was when Girvan Dempsey came on for Leinster as a replacement: “You won’t see the ball, Girvan, I’d stay in the dry!” and the most popular was from the very shrill woman behind us after Leinster scored a try at the end of a 100-phase pick-and-drive: “What are doing clapping that CRRRRRRRAP?” at 100 decibels. Indeed Girvan left the field as clean as when he came on, though wetter, having touched neither the ball nor I think an opponent.
Notwithstanding, I know that if I lived round there, Stradey is where I would want to be on a wet or a dry Saturday afternoon. Fantastic.
Honesty forces me to mention that before the game two stern men accompanied by about 100 little boys in rugby kit and a person in a large red dragon suit paraded in triumph carrying two trophies, which apparently had recently been won by the Welsh national team. I’m not sure what this was all about but it seemed to cheer the wet crowd up.
Back at the caravan park we were just telling the boys that with a lost hour and an early start to Sunday’s festival there was a 9.30 curfew, when Rod got a call saying that the festival was cancelled – waterlogged pitches. Very disappointing, though the chef was over the moon not to have to provide 34 breakfasts at 7.00, and at least having the early warning we were able to start looking for a game somewhere else. Rod pointed out that the forecast was for fine weather on Sunday, so he was optimistic. I was less sure, imagining the chaos that is normal in rugby clubs on a Saturday night!
Sunday 30 March
Bright sunshine as promised by Rain God Rod. After breakfast the boys played beach-rugby and then went for a swim while Rod, Nicola and Jackie worked the phones looking for a fixture. Sure enough, Llanelli Wanderers were keen to play and found a pitch. Onto the coach and eventually Bill found the pitch too despite dodgy directions, and the game went ahead. The game was open and exciting but eventually we lost 19-7. Our try was scored by Charles and converted by Sam with a good kick. We still had some hopes at 12-7 quite late in the game but then Wanderers scored with an interception to wrap it up.
Right at the end Alex D’Andrea took a nasty knock from a high tackle and was a bit woozy but he was OK after a little while.
The game was on council pitches so afterwards we went straight back to the camp for showers, beers, Kangaroo Court and dinner. In court were Shirley for her Bucking Rugby Ball exploits on the Friday; Charles (again!) for losing his boots; Lewis and Alex N for being chucked out of the swimming pool; Sam E and both twins for trying to drown Skippy; Alex D’A for getting injured; Alex Williams and Tim Bailey for Tonsorial Torture (bad hair); and Sam Ackerman for dropping his trousers.
After dinner was drinking and dancing until late; Shirley led the collection of trophies with a very fetching hat.
Monday 31 March
Up quite early despite the late night and off to Cardiff to see the Millennium stadium. It’s a very nice stadium. Everyone asleep on the coach apart from the noisy boys. Back to Col by 6pm and off went Will, Charles, Jack, Euan and Tom B to Suffolk training!
A great tour despite the weather. Hosts were brilliant and apart from parading the damn cup never mentioned the Grand Slam. Really enjoyed spending the time with a great bunch of lads. Thanks to Nicola, Nicola and Mark for organising, Jackie and Rain God Rod for coaching and accurately forecasting every detail of the weather, and Bill the Coach Driver for causing such interesting traffic jams on the Kidwelly road.
Henry Johnson
Pictures can be view at: http://picasaweb.google.com/henjohnson/ColchesterU14RugbyTourToWales?authkey=X4Jrar8DSHA
