PLAYER PROFILES:
NAME: JAMES BRODIE (c)
NICKNAME: Paul Bearer
AGE: 24
POSITION: No.8 / Back Row
FAVOURITE QUOTE: “27 Bodies 27 Caskets oooooohh my”
MOST LIKELY: To be found carrying the urn that contains the ashes of all his victims.
NAME: SAM HILTON
NICKNAME: Sumo
AGE: 30ish
POSITION: Prop / Hooker
FAVOURITE QUOTE: “JP do you want to stay at mine”
MOST LIKELY: To walk back to his old house (that he hasn’t lived in for 3 years), walk in the front door and sit down….whilst the new owners are watching tv.
NAME: MARK CROW
NICKNAME: Fred West
AGE: 22
POSITION: Hooker / Serial Killer
FAVOURITE QUOTE: “Mr snuggles loves his Semi Ballesteros”
MOST LIKELY: To take rude photos and misplace them.
NAME: STE BEESLEY
NICKNAME: The Quail / Ellen Mcarthur
AGE: 24
POSITION: Prop / Quail
FAVOURITE QUOTE: “Do you want to come under my Umber ella ella ella ella”
MOST LIKELY: To enjoy showering with fellow players.
NAME: JOHN HODGKINSON
NICKNAME: Batman
AGE: 23
POSITION: Hooker
FAVOURITE QUOTE: “You Know You Know”
MOST LIKELY: To marry a foreigner.
NAME: CHRIS TURNER
NICKNAME: The Director
AGE: 24
POSITION: 2nd Row / Stand Off / Prop
FAVOURITE QUOTE: “Daddy no”
MOST LIKELY: To get sacked as a junior coach.
NAME: DAVE EVANS
NICKNAME: The Volcano / Fenner (Off of Bad Girls)
AGE: 21
POSITION: 2nd Row / Prop
FAVOURITE QUOTE: “Arghhhhh the volcano’s just erupted”
MOST LIKELY: To get a cr*p haircut in the style of a Bad Girls character
NAME: PHIL HOUSTON
NICKNAME: Clark Kent
AGE: 25ish
POSITION: 2nd Row / Back Row
FAVOURITE QUOTE: “Oh no not the kryptonite”
MOST LIKELY: To turn weak at the sight of Kryptonite….. or a contact lens.
NAME: KEV McGILL
NICKNAME: High Tower
AGE: 26ish
POSITION: No.8 / Back Row / 2nd Row
FAVOURITE QUOTE: “I don’t like beans….gimme some carrotts”
MOST LIKELY: To bang his head on the training pitch floodlights.
NAME: ALEX QUEGAN
NICKNAME: Yvonne Atkins
AGE: 24
POSITION: Flanker
FAVOURITE QUOTE: “Not tonight Fenner”
MOST LIKELY: To join Dave Evans in getting a really sh1t haircut.
NAME: ALEX YOUNGMAN
NICKNAME: Young Man
AGE: 25
POSITION: Back Row
FAVOURITE QUOTE: “You’re not coming to my wedding”
MOST LIKELY: To make forwards move….just for the sake of it…..Harry Potter XXV everyone.
NAME: PETE BROGAN
NICKNAME: Pita bread
AGE: 30
POSITION: Back Row
FAVOURITE QUOTE: “Wheel the scrum…..wheeeeeeelllll”
MOST LIKELY: To win players player but not actually play a game.
NAME: MIKE SINGLETON
NICKNAME: Gay Mike
AGE: 44
POSITION: Scrum Half
FAVOURITE QUOTE: “I’ve got too much work on to train”
MOST LIKELY: To scratch an opponent like a squirrel…..chase someone for 40 yards and then pretend to pull a hamstring rather than tackle them.
NAME: DANNY RYDER
NICKNAME: Willow
AGE:
POSITION: Scrum Half
FAVOURITE QUOTE: “At least I can buy kids clothes”
MOST LIKELY: To run through dwarfs legs un-noticed.
NAME: ROB WEATHERHEAD
No Pic.
NICKNAME: Wob
AGE: 24
POSITION: No.10 / Centre
FAVOURITE QUOTE: “My names Wob”
MOST LIKELY: To get hurt due to his No.9.
NAME: TOM KEECH
NICKNAME: Mixeh
AGE: 21
POSITION: No.10 / Full Back
FAVOURITE QUOTE: “M m m m m mickey Mixeh”
MOST LIKELY: To be paranoid whilst exerting the “Tommy Tap”.
NAME: PETE MARRIOTT
NICKNAME: Pete the Meat
AGE: Over 50
POSITION: Centre
FAVOURITE QUOTE: “Give it me ‘n we’ll see what happens”
MOST LIKELY: To die whilst playing a 1st team game.
NAME: CHRIS FLANAGAN
NICKNAME: Pea chin
AGE: 24ish
POSITION: Centre
FAVOURITE QUOTE: “I love the pea”
MOST LIKELY: To make the Pea mushy.
NAME: SIMON BESWICK
NICKNAME: BES
AGE: 26ish
POSITION: Centre
FAVOURITE QUOTE: “Come on England” (When playing for Bolton)
MOST LIKELY: To dive head first into a fight and get laid out.
NAME: ANDY DANN
NICKNAME: Andy Dann
AGE: 24
POSITION: Winger
FAVOURITE QUOTE: “I am Andy Dann”
MOST LIKELY: To not turn up ever again.
NAME: GREG ABBOTT
NICKNAME: Wart Disney
AGE: 23
POSITION: Winger / Full Back
FAVOURITE QUOTE: “Hahahahahahaha”
MOST LIKELY: To win the “Fattest Winger of the Year” award. Or to be "All at Sea !"
NAME: JP SINGLETON
NICKNAME: Falcon (self proclaimed)
AGE: 24
POSITION: Full Back / Winger
FAVOURITE QUOTE: “Yoink”
MOST LIKELY: To kill a hooker (in a rugby position sense).
NAME: DANNY JOSEPH
NICKNAME: DJ
AGE: 22
POSITION: Winger
FAVOURITE QUOTE: “It’s just like a bag of squirrels...nanananannana”
MOST LIKELY: To have steak for tea with his dad…..tea’s ready big guy!!
NAME: JOHN KEECH
NICKNAME: Sponge Bob
AGE: 25
POSITION: Centre
FAVOURITE QUOTE: “Max have you any crayons max” (in a similar way to Tom off Hollyoaks)
MOST LIKELY: To tell everyone in London that he’s the greatest tackler in the North.
NAME: GARY HODGKINSON
No Pic.
NICKNAME: Bo Selecta
AGE: Unknown
POSITION: Rugby Coach
FAVOURITE QUOTE: “There’s workers, shirkers, and cabbage throwers….I’ll find out who’s who.”
MOST LIKELY: To cry like a woman when he hurts his ankle.
NAME: LES TOWLER
NICKNAME: LESHHHH
AGE: Over 30 apparently
POSITION: Unknown
FAVOURITE QUOTE: “There’s balls in the woods…..where are my ballssss”
MOST LIKELY: To earn millions from Halbro commission.
NAME: DOUG WALMSLEY
NICKNAME: DOUGIEEEEEE
AGE: Unknown
POSITION: Physio
FAVOURITE QUOTE: “That’s £2.00 please”
MOST LIKELY: To get caught rubbing up Alex Youngman outside office hours.
NAME: JOHN ADAMS
NICKNAME: Dr John
AGE: Unknown
POSITION:Team Doctor
FAVOURITE QUOTE: “It isn’t broken”
MOST LIKELY: To Kill you.
