Berlin RUFC (44 - 26) BRUFC Tour side
Saturday 21st April 2007. This date will be remembered as a time when the Germans won something.
Squad:
1) Alex 'the silkworm' Sugden - 8/10
2) Jim 'Creatine' Ramsell - 7/10
3) Stephen 'the Quail' Beasley - 7/10
4) Dave 'the volcano' Evans - 8/10
5) John 'the northern lad who can tackle' Keech - 4/10
6) Paul 'Andy McNabb' Hunt - 8/10
9) John 'honestly i'm irish' Hodgkinson - 3/10
10) Chris 'Bubba Jaw' Turner - 6/10
11) Yank Ritchie - 3/10
12) Chris 'The pea' Flanagan - 2/10
13) Greg 'never to play centre again' Abbott - 0/10
14) John Paul 'Alty alty' Singleton - 3/10
15) Stuart 'Zoom Zoom 1st cone on't M6' Paul - 7/10
Water Boy: Duncan 'Trenchfoot' Trench - 10/10
Manager: Dave 'I organised a rugby club at the age of 16....zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz' Mann - 10/10
Physio: Stu 'Texas Oil Baron' Clarke - 10/10
As the two teams warmed up Bolton realised they had their work cut out. Berlin had 20 'Ivan Drago' type machines doing drill after drill, Bolton on the other hand gathered in a circle passing the ball clockwise, and then...........anticlockwise.
The match kicked off and Bolton immediately took the upper hand pressurising the Berlin 'defensive' Wall. Berlin took the lead with a penalty before Bolton's utility prop Jim 'Jimmy's Ball' Ramsell took advantage of slack defending and scored from 20 metres out, this try sparked massive celebrations - Berlin didn't know what had hit them - well they did......it was a tin of Ramsell quick dry wood stain, "it does exactly what it says on the tin". Stu 'how much is £7 in English money' Paul converted.
Berlin replied with a try against the run of play which put the score at 10 - 7, it became clear that the Leslie Neilsen looalike of a referee wasn't going to do Bolton any favours, the try coming from a clear offside. Berlin then added to their tally with another try, this time coming from slack Bolton defence - Abbott making an extremely bad mistake, which can
With the score at 17 - 7 Bolton rallied together, Captain Birdseye Paul Hunt demanded a change in the intensity, the demand seemed to work as straight from the kick off Bolton retrieved possession through Dave Evans, all the good work from the Bolton forwards maintained the strong hold they had over their German counterparts.
Excellent hard runs from Stuart Clarke , Duncan Trench(foot), and Dave Mann helped Bolton gain a good field position as the Bolton backs continued to pummell the Berlin back line with excellent runs off scrum half John 'the bomb' Hodgkinson and international Stand off Chris 'Derek Jaw' Turner.
The game started to get a bit tense in places and Boltons forwards found themselves in trouble a couple of times. At one stage a fight broke out, Evans took a blow to the head. In possibly the most cringing situation ever, Evans jumped to his feet and shouted "Thats it......the Volcano has erupted - RAAAAAA", instead of recieving support from his teammates everybody just laughed at the LOSER.
From that incident Bolton found themselves with a penalty in the Berlin 22m, with the statement "no kicking on tour" rattling in the back of scrum half Hodgkinsons mind he took a quick tap, he fed No.10 Turner (who loves to be fed) who with a accurate pass found Stuart 'Andy Farrell taught me how to kick' Paul who broke two Berlin tackles and scored in the corner - the conversion was missed by Abbott who was terrible all game and should never play rugby again.
At 17 - 12 after 25 minutes the game clearly had a lot of life. Berlin continued to run straight at the Bolton players but huge tackles from the erupted volcano Dave Evans & Full Back Stuart Paul held the Berliners back for the next ten minutes. All the hard work then went to waste as Berlin extended their lead, a defensive mistake by centre Abbott again allowed a try under the posts, they converted, the score now stood at 24 - 12.
Bolton restarted the match, a Berlin mistake in the Bolton 22m zone allowed another quick tap penalty and the try of the match, the ball found it's way to the influencial No.10 Turner who glided an incredible 20m pass to Singleton, the Bolton winger ran at the remaining defenders before stepping two defenders and using his trusty Alty handoff before outsprinting everybody and scoring in the bottom corner, Singleton chose to celebrate by doing the Falcon dance - this was last time we saw Singleton who was non exsistent for the remaining tour. The following conversion was missed by Stu Paul but because Leslie Neilson felt sorry for Andy Farrell's predessor he gave Bolton the two points.
Score at half time Berlin 24 - 19 Bolton.
The second half saw a a completely different situation as the well oiled Sherman tank brought about seven more changes, and this meant more Ivan Drago's.
Bolton only had thirteen players available so they started to tire, where as Berlin only got stronger. Bolton wanted to make some changes and bring on the self proclaimed legend Duncan 'if it wasn't for my back injury i'd be professional' Trench.
Berlin scored four tries in susession as the Bolton players wondered what hit them, Hunt himself caught the restart and took matters into his own hands, having caught the ball he stood still........held up his right arm and shouted, "come and get it big boys", this again another awful comment as the 'big boys' did come and get it but Hunt came off worst....AGAIN.
The game didn't get better for the travelling Bolton faithful as the referee felt the need to have a word with Boltons captain. "Your fitness levels are unacceptable, you English always drink before a game."......he sounded like a certain John 'honestly i am irish' Hodgkinson before every Bolton 1st team match.
Paul 'Terret syndrome' Hunt eventually calmed down and led his team of warriors up the field for one last time, like a scene from a 3rd team match every player on the pitch including the ref & Dave Mann joined a driving maul, Hunt broke from the back to score the final try. The conversion was kicked again by Stuart Paul, Stuart always kicks the ball off a cone, he loves cones because he always put the 1st one on't M6.
The final score Berlin 44 - 26 Bolton RUFC
